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Our Parents: Our Gate to Success and Al-Jannah (The Paradise)
An Article Review By
Jamalodden H.A. Abdurraheem
Marawi City, Philippines
(MA in Islamic Studies GraDu'ate)
All praise is due to Allah, Rabb (Cherisher and Sustainer) of all the worlds. I bear witness that there is no god worth to be worship except Allah Who sent His Prophets (a.s.) to guide mankind to the righteousness. I bear witness that the Prophet Muhammad bin Abdullah (s.a.w.) is the true and final Messenger of Allah to all nations who fulfilled his mission to mankind. May peace and blessing of Allah be upon the Prophet Muhammad, his family, and his Sahabas (companions)?
"O, you who believe, Keep your duty to Allah and fear Him, and speak (always) the truth. He will direct you to do righteous good deeds and will forgive you your sins. And whosoever obeys Allah and his Messenger he has indeed achieved a great achievement (i.e. he will be saved from the Hellfire and made to enter Al-Jannah [Paradise])."[Qur'an Surah Al-Ahzab 33:70-71].
"O you who believe, Fear Allah and keep your duty to Him. And let every person look what he has sent forth for morrow, and fear Allah. Verily, Allah is All-Aware of what you do." [Qur'an Surah Al-Hashr 59:18].
Since I realized that the concern of the parents to their children nowadays is increasing while the concern of the children to their parents especially when they reach the old age is decreasing. It comes to my mind to write a short Essay on this topic and titled it 'OUR PARENTS, Our Gate to Success and Al-Jannah (Paradise)' as a reminder to all of us because this is a very important subject in Islam. Allah (SWT) says in the Qur'an:
"And remind (by preaching the Qur'an, O Muhammad ) for Verily, reminding profits the believers" [Surah Az-Zariyat 51:55]
As a human being, our main goals and objectives in life in this world are to have a better living and happy life or to be more specific, to have a happy family life and for those who realize and care for their life after death are to save themselves from the Hell-fire and enter Al-Jannah (Paradise) in peace after death as a final abode. This is a fact that all Muslims and non-Muslims hope. In Islam, we are taught that one of the best ways to attain all the said goals and objectives is to treat our parents with respect, kindness, care, and love especially when they reach the age of senility which is the time that they need us most. The treatment of parents is one of the important gates to our success and happiness in this world and the Hereafter if we could realize it properly or otherwise, it will be the cause of our miserable life if we neglected it heedlessly. This is because Allah the Creator and Sustainer gave them a high status in Islam. How many people reached their dreams and become great because of their parents? How many people in Islamic History who became great leaders and Imams and became a great asset of Islam because of their mothers and fathers? To mention a few are like Imam Bukhari, the author of Sahih Bukhari who was brought by her mother to Makkah to study Islam and later on he became a great Imam and authored many Islamic books and Imam Ibn Dinar, one of the great young Imam and Mufti in Madinah during his time, who was guided by his mother alone while his father is participating in Jihad in a far away place for thirty years. Likewise, how many people suffered or were ruined in their life because of their parents whom they disobeyed and neglected? One example is the story of Juraij in Sahih Bukhari who was a good worshipper but he suffered from his people by mistake because of his mother's Du'as when she was disappointed by him when he did not answer her calls for the third time while he was praying Sunnah (voluntary) As-Salat in his place. If not because of his strong faith and diligent in Ibaadah (worship) that saved him from his people because of false accusation, then he could have been certainly ruined. This is because the guidance of the parents for their children especially those who are good Muslims are the most blessed guidance and the Du'as (prayers) of the parents for their children are one of the most heard Du'as by Allah as narrated in Ahadith Sahih. However, before we elaborate further on this topic, we shall explore how Islam valued the status of parents in which there is no religion or societies or nations that gave such important value to the parents except Islam. We shall understand from it how our parents are one of the best mechanisms ways (or means) to attain success and happiness in this world and the Hereafter.
In the Qur'an, Allah (SWT) says:
"And worship Allah and join none with Himin worship, and be good to parents." [An-Nisah 4:36]
In another Ayah (Verse) in the Qur'an, Allah (SWT) says:
“Set not with Allah any other Ilah (god) or you will sit down reproved, forsaken (in the Hellfire). And your Rabb has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them 'uff' , nor shout at them but address them in terms of honor. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say, 'My Rabb! Bestow on them your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small.' Your Rabb knows best what your inner-selves. If you are righteous, then, verily, He is Ever Most Forgiving to those who turn unto Him again and again in obedience and in repentance." [Al-Isra 17:22-25]
And we have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents, but if they strive to make you join with Me (in worship) anything (as partner) of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not. Unto Me is your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do. And for those who believe (in the oneness of Allah and other items of faith) and do righteous good deeds, surely, We shall make them enter in (the entrance of) the righteous (i.e. in Paradise)." [29:8-9]
He (SWT) also says:
"And We have enjoined man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is two years – give thanks to Me and to your parents, - unto Me is you final destination. But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do." [Luqman 31:14-15]
He (SWT) also says:
"And We have enjoined on man to be dutiful and kind to his parents. His mother bears him with hardship and she brings him forth with hardship, and the bearing of him, and weaning of him is thirty (30) months." [Al-Ahqaf 46:15]
In some of the Ahadith of the Prophet (s.a.w.), narrated by Abdullah ibn Masoud (r.a.) in which he said:
"I asked the Prophet (s.a.w.) Which deed is most liked by Allah (SWT)? He said: As-Salat (five times obligatory prayers) offered on time. I asked, then what? He said: Kindness and respect toward parents. I asked, then what? He said: Jihad for the sake of Allah (SWT)." [Bukhari and Muslim]
In this Hadith, the Prophet (s.a.w.) placed the kindness and respect towards parents between two of the greatest Ibaadah (worship) in Islam. These are As-Salat and Jihad. As-Salat is a pillar of Islam, foundation of faith, and symbol of a true Muslim. Jihad is the pinnacle of Islam that not all Muslim are granted for.
In another Hadith:
"Narrated by Abdullah bin Amro (r.a.) Who said, ‘A man came to the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) asking his permission to take part in Jihad. The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) said: "Are your parents alive?" He replied: Yes. He (s.a.w.) said: "Then exert your self in their service." [Bukhari]
There is a story that I would like to share it with you as a good example of the above Hadith. This happened during the time of Omar ibn Al-Khattab (r.a.), as the leader of the believers. There was an old man called Omayah bin Al-Askar Al-Kinaki and his loving and dutiful son Kilab. The son wants to participate in Jihad but the old father refused because he needs him and he likes him around because he loves him like most fathers who always love their loving son and miss them if they are not around, even Omar (r.a.) has advised him to stay with his father instead. But the son insisted and tried to convince his father to allow him until he finally did. Kilab left but he took so long. As the days pass, the longing of the father who is getting older and afraid not see his son before he dies is getting deep every now and then. One day, while he was sitting under the palm tree, he saw a bird calling its children around him. He remembered his son Kilab, his tears begun to fall from his eyes. He started to utter some poets which contents two points; first, his loneliness because of his son who is in a far place he does not know and he is longing to see him today before tomorrow, and second, his wish that Omar (r.a.) as the leader will send for him to come and see him before he die. One day he was brought by someone who heard his poet and touched by its meaning to the gathering of Omar (r.a.) and let him read it without knowing that Omar (r.a.) was around and listening because of his weak eyesight as most old people does. When Omar (r.a.) heard his poet, he became conscientious and realized the problem of the old man. He immediately sent for Kilab from the battlefield on a very urgent basis. When Kilab arrived, Omar (r.a.) asked him how dutiful he is to his father? He replied by saying, 'I used to prefer him from anything else and serve him. When I want to milk for him, I used to select the best of his camel, get it and have it relaxed and then wash its nipple until it gets cold. Then, I milk it for my father to drink. Omar (r.a.) ordered him to do the same and then he sent someone for Omayah to come. When Omayah arrived, Omar (r.a.) inquired about his situation i.e. how is he and what his wishes are? He replied, 'as you see O leader of the believers (very old man, his back is bent, weak eyesight) I wish nothing except to see my son Kilab to smell him and hug him before I die. Omar (r.a.) said to him, ‘Allah willing you will have your wish’. Then he ordered Kilab to give the milk that he ordered him to prepare to his father. When Omayah raised the cup of milk to his mouth he said, ‘O leader of the believers I smell the hands of my son Kilab in this cup of milk’. Omar (r.a.) was astonished and his tears begun falling from his and all the people that are around him because of what they see. He said to Omayah, 'your son Kilab is here now to stay with you until the rest of your life.' The old father and the son who missed each other so much for long time hugged each other strongly, their tears begun falling from their eyes because of happiness. Omar (r.a.) exempted Kilab from participating in Jihad until his father was still alive. This is how the believers before us give importance to the status of the parents.
In another Hadith, a man come to the Prophet (s.a.w.) and said:
'Counsel me O Messenger of Allah.' He said: "Do not associate Allah with anything even you are burned" He said: 'Add me more O messenger of Allah.' He said: "Treat you parents with kindness and respect and do not raise up you voice (at them) and if they ask you to get out of your world, then get out for them." [Ibn Majah]
We understand from the above mentioned Ayat (verses) and Ahadith of the Prophet (s.a.w.) that they are mostly a combination of two Divine Decrees; first, urging us to worship Allah alone without partners and second, to treat our parents with respect and kindness. This is how it valued the position of the parents. In the following Ahadith below it will show us that associating Allah with other objects of worship and of being undutiful or disobedient to parents are among the combination of two major sins in Islam that may lead man to destruction in this world and the Hereafter.
The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:
"Shall I not inform you about the greatest of major sins? Associating anything with Allah and 'oqoq' undutiful to parents" [Bukhari & Muslim].
He (s.a.w.) also said in another Hadith:
"A person who is disrespectful to his parents, the one who keeps reminding (other) of his favors which he has done (him), and the one who is addicted to wine will not enter 'Al-Jannah' (Paradise). [Bukhari & Muslim].
He (s.a.w.) also said:
"If Allah knew of something more minor (which could hurt the parents) more than saying of "uff" He (SWT) would have prohibited it. Let the person who is undutiful to his parents does what he wants as he will never enter Al-Jannah (Paradise). And let the person who is dutiful to his parents does what he wants as he will not enter Hell-fire." [Kitabol Kabair].
He (s.a.w.) also said:
"Allah has cursed the person who is disrespectful to his parents."
All the above mention Ayaat (verses) from the Qur'an and the Ahadith of the Prophet (s.a.w.) show the important status of the parents in Islam. They show how important to treat our parents with respect and kindness and how bad it is to neglect them and being disrespectful to them. According to Ibn Abbas (r.a.) there are three Ayaat (Verses) of the Qur'an that were revealed joining three (pairs) and if any of these pairs is done without the other, then they are not acceptable. One of these Ayaat is the saying of Allah in Surah Luqman 31:14 'Give thanks to Me and to your Parents' which is a combination of two Divine Decrees; to thank Allah and to thank your parents. Therefore, if someone is thankful to Allah by performing his obligations and duties (e.g. performing five obligatory As-Salat, fasting the month of Ramadhan, giving Zakat, performing Hajj and all other kind of required Ibaadah and abstaining from all forbidden things) towards Him but not thanking his parents (e.g. to recognize them as parents and to what they have done to their children, obeying them, treating them with respect and kindness etc.), will not be accepted from him. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:
"Allah's pleasures consist in the pleasure of parents and Allah's anger consists in the anger of parents." [Kitabol Kabair]
Unfortunately, many of the children of today's modern life did not give enough concern to this great Ibaadah (worship) and very important and beneficial responsibility. There are many who are neglecting their parents especially when they settled down and their parents grew old. Furthermore, some people preferred their wives to their mothers and fathers like what Alqamah did to his mother while he was active in other Ibaadah i.e. diligent in obeying Allah (SWT), engaging in different kinds of Ibaadah such as As-Salat, Sawn (fasting), Sadakat, etc. But it so happened that when he got ill during the time of the Prophet (s.a.w.) and was in the agony of death, he was not able to utter the word of Tawheed 'Laa ilaaha illa Allah' (based on the saying of the Prophet (s.a.w.) in the Ahadith Sahih that whosoever his last word in this world is the word of Tawheed or Kalimatos Shahadah will enter Al-Jannah [Paradise]). The Prophet (s.a.w.) investigated if either of his parents is alive and he was told his very old mother. He sent for her and when she heard that the Prophet (s.a.w.) wants to see her she was happy to come. She came immediately but she was leaning on her walking stick. She greeted the Prophet (s.a.w.) and the Prophet (s.a.w.) returned the greeting to her. Then he (s.a.w.) asked her about her son Alqamah? She replied that he is good worshiper, offering As-Salat (prayer) as much as he can, Sawm (fast) a great deal, and spending a lot of Sadakah but she is angry with him because he preferred his wife to her and he disobeyed her and neglected her. The Prophet (s.a.w.) has certainly concluded that the cause of Alqamah's unable to pronounce the word of Tawheed 'Laa ilaaha illa Allah' in his last moment in this world is the disappointment of his mother to him. When she refused to forgive him, the Prophet (s.a.w.) ordered the collection of a lot of firewood in order to burn Alqamah in front of his mothers' eyes. But the softhearted old mother could not bear to see her son burning on the fire in front of her eyes. So the Prophet (s.a.w.) reminded her of the punishment in the Hellfire which is more severe and more lasting. All his sons’ good deeds e.g. As-Salat, As-Sawm, As-Zakat or As-Sadakah etc. will not benefit him unless she forgive him. When she heard about it, the softhearted old mother who was neglected by her son so many years in an old place because of his wife but she still love him more than her self as all mothers does even she was so disappointed with him, begun to soften her heart and finally decided to forgive his son by saying in a crying voice "O Messenger of Allah, I call upon Allah the Most High and His angels and the Muslims who are present to be my witness that I am pleased with my son Alqamah." Then, that was only the time that her son Alqamah was able to pronounce the word of Tawheed with his tongue because of the sincerity of mother in loving his son endlessly and caring for him forever. Alqamah pronounced the word of Tawheed "Laa ilaaha illah Allah" and died on the same day. How many of us today are like Alqamah? How many mothers and father left behind in an old place or in the house of old people like the mother of Alqamah because of the negligence of their children? What shall we say in front of Allah if we shall be asked why we disobeyed and neglected our parents?
We know that there are so many reasons that cause some children to stay away from their parents. But whatever the reason is, it is not acceptable in Islam. In fact, Islam required us to keep in contact with our parents and do good to them even if they are non-Muslims and we are Muslims. Therefore, is there any other strong reason to keep away from them more than being different in religion? But Islam did not teach us to do so because of their high values as parents in Islam. It was narrated in the Sahih Bukhari and Sahih Muslim that Asmah bint Abi Bakr As-Siddiq (r.a.) who said: 'My mother came to me, and she was a Mushrik (Idol worshiper or non-Muslim) at that time of the Prophet (s.a.w.). I asked the Prophet (s.a.w.), 'My mother has come to me and needs help so should I help her?' He (s.a.w.) said, 'Yes keep in touch with your mother and help her.'"
There are some people in some areas that let their parents especially their mothers to stay with them but not to keep them rest or to comfort them, instead to make them baby sitters while they work. Probably, there is no harm if they help in taking good care of their grand children especially if they are still strong and capable of doing it because at the end, they are still their own grand children whom they love. But to work like helpers e.g. baby sitter, cooking, cleaning, washing etc. at the home of her children is not the right way to treat the parents in proper manners that Islam has taught us. Even real helpers deserve salaries and good treatment better than that. I know someone who strongly opposed the idea of taking care of her grand children by saying, "I have been tired in raising up my children and they want me to raise up their children for them too?"
Naturally, Islam knows that people will change in their attitudes when they grew old. Sometimes, it is hard to deal with them or to understand them or to take good care of them, especially when they reach the age of senility and the children have a family of their own who need more attention and care too. But we have no excuse not to fulfill our duty towards them like the way they took good care of us without excuses. There is a very good friend of mine and a brother in Islam who asked me once about his old parents who he feels sometime that he is disappointing them unintentionally because of a simple word or a simple action which he did not meant to hurt them. I told him that I my self is personally experiencing the same sometime and perhaps so do others, but we have to understand them and deal with them as better as we can because they are not only our gate to our success and happiness in this world and to Al-Jannah (Paradise) in the Hereafter but also we should remember always that we have to treat them properly because we shall be treated by our children the way we treat our parents. This is how the history told us. We cannot change them because perhaps that is the nature of getting old and if Allah willing and extend our life, we will be getting into that destiny too. Thus, our children might be neglecting us in the future if we neglected our parents. Did you not hear the story of a man who used to beat his father and when he grew old his son beat him more than he used to beat his father and when he was asked about it he said this is the way he used to treat his father and the additional beats are from me. As a mercy from Allah (SWT) for the parents especially when they grew old, Islam considered the treatment of parents with respect and kindness among the greatest Ibaadah (worship) of all time and the disrespect or disobedient to them is among the major sins in the eyes of Allah (SWT) that deserve a great punishment in the Hereafter.
However, we should realize and bear in mind that being dutiful and undutiful, obedient and disobedient towards parents is not just a mere of great Ibaadh (worship) or Kabair (major sin) against Allah, instead it is among the great means to our success or otherwise a cause of our miserable life in this world as we have explained previously. To give example, I know someone very well who hold a good position and have a good family life. He told us one day that his big secret in life is trying to be a dutiful son in order to attain the pleasures of his parents always. In reward for that, his parents always make Du'as for him, asking Allah to protect him and grant him success and his family. Even during his student life until he graduated, he used to have a permanent close contact with his parents always. If they are in other place, he always keeps in touch with them specially if he is going to take examination or applying for a certain position or job. He graduated from the college with excellent grades. His two young sons are now studying abroad. I believe he is happy and happiness is very important. In opposite to that, I know someone in my place killed by his own pure brother because he always hurt his father and mother. He used to beat them hard that they cried like children. Until one day, his young brother could not bear it anymore to see the suffering of his parents because of disobedient son, so he shot his big brother to death. These are only a few examples of the benefits from being a dutiful son and undutiful son in the present time. The Prophet (s.a.w.) was true when he said:
“Allah will delay from what he wants from (the punishments of) all sins except the Oqoq (disobedient) to parents, He verily fasten to (punish) them.” [Al-Hakim & At-Tabarani]
There are so many benefits in treating our parents with respect and kindness some of them are as follows:
1.The parents’ Du'as (prayers) for their children are answerable by Allah (SWT). So the more you please them the more they make good Du'as for you and the more they make Du'as for you the more you attain you dreams and aspirations in life. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said in Sahih Jamie:
"Three Du'as (prayer) without rejection (from Allah): Prayers of parents for his son, prayers of one who fast, and prayers of traveler."
There, if Du'as (prayers) of parents for their children are among the most acceptable and heard prayers to Allah, then we should avoid disappointing them lest to make bad Du'as for us and ruin ourselves. In fact, the Prophet (s.a.w.) warned the parents not to make bad Du'as for their children to ruin them.
2. A dutiful or an obedient child has an acceptable Du'as from Allah (SWT) also. In a Hadith in Sahih Muslim:
Narrated by Omar bin Al-Khattab (r.a.) who said: I heard the Prophet (s.a.w.) saying: "Owais ibn A'mir will come to you along with a group of people from Yemen who used to have a leprous and was cured except of a size like a Dirham. He has a mother and he is dutiful to her. If he asks Allah (to cure shim) he will be cured. So if you are able to let him ask forgiveness for you from Allah then do it."
Who among us does not need Du'as? How many among us who complain about his Du'as being not answered especially when someone is in very hard situation?
3. It is an expiation of sins. In a Hadith narrated by At-Thirmidhi:
Narrated Ibn Omar (r.a.): A man came to the Prophet (s.a.w.) and said: 'I have committed a great sin, is there any forgiveness? He (s.a.w.): "Do you have a mother?" or in other narration He said: "Do you have a parents?" He said: No. He (s.a.w.) said: "Do you have an aunt (mother sister?)" He said: Yes. He (s.a.w.) said: "Be good to her."
Who among us is not committing sins that do not need forgiveness? We are told in some Hadith that we are committing sin day and night.
4. It prolongs life and increases provisions. In a Hadith by Imam Ahmad:
Narrated by Anas bin Malik (r.a.) that the Prophet (s.a.w.) said: "Whosoever desires to extend his life and increase his provisions be dutiful to his parents and uphold the ties of kinship." [Imam Ahmad
And narrated by Salman Alfarisi (r.a.) who said: The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) said: "Nothing but supplication avert the Al-Qadar (Divine Preordainment) and nothing but birr (righteousness, treating parents with respect and kindness etc.)." increase life. [At-Thirmidhi]
5. Being obedient son causes your children to be obedient to you too. In a Hadith narrated by At-Tabarani:
Narrated by Abi-Hurairah (r.a.) that the Prophet of Allah (s.a.w.) said: "Guard the woman's chaste and your woman's chaste will be guarded too and be dutiful to your fathers and your children will be dutiful to you too)).
6. It causes us to enter Al-Jannah (Paradise). In a Hadith Sahih narrated by Imam Ahmad:
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Narrated by Aishah (r.a.) who said: The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) said: "I entered Al-jannah (Paradise) and heard a reading and I said, who is that? It was said: Harithah bin An-Nou'man. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said: "That is Birr ." Harithah was dutiful and obedient to his mother.
The following are some of the signs of being Birr towards parents:
Obeying them and respecting them except if they ask you to worship other than Allah (SWT) but you have to refuse it in a good manner.
To treat them with kindness, respect, care, love etc.
To submit to them in humiliation.
To avoid fighting with them or to fight with others in front of them.
To listen to them when they speak and do not put your back on them.
To follow their orders with pleasures.
To meet them with your smiling face or cheerful welcome.
To sit with them in good manner and respect.
To be satisfied for what they gave.
To prioritize their rights especially the mother before father.
To help them in their works.
To avoid disturbing them.
To answer their calls immediately.
To consult them and ask permission from them before doing something.
To pray (Du'a) for them always.
Some of the signs of being disobedient or disrespect to parents are as follows:
To make them cry and sad because of our words and actions.
To raise your voice to them and rebuke them.
To look at them in questionable manner.
To show them discomfort when they are around or beside you.
To order them (e.g. to do some work at home like cleaning, washing, cooking, etc.). However, if the mother is voluntarily doing it, then there is no harm.
To criticize the food that the mother prepared. This is not only hurting the feeling of the mother but it is against the Islamic etiquette of eating. The Prophet (s.a.w.) never criticizes the food, he eats if he likes or otherwise he will leave it.
Without helping them some works at home.
Without listening to what they say or to cut off their words while they speak or challenge them for what they tell you or to disregard them.
To disrespect their ideas and suggestions.
To say badly words about them or to them.
To insult them either directly or indirectly.
To prefer them to your wife.
To wish them gone or die.
To neglect them or not visiting them or not helping them for what they need especially when they grew old.
To be greedy or stingy to them. And many more.
Finally, our Prophet (s.a.w.) has never had any shortcomings in guiding us. There is nothing good for mankind in this world and the Hereafter except that he had informed us about it and there is nothing harmful to mankind in this world and the Hereafter except that he warned us or forbade us to it. Allah (SWT) has confirmed the completion and fulfillment of the mission of the Prophet (s.a.w.) as He says in the Qur'an:
"This day, I have perfected your religion for you, completed My Favor upon you and have chosen for you Islam as your religion." [Surah Al-Maidah 5:3]
Nobody in this world will give us great favors and render to us great services better than our parents who strived hard and sacrificed for us. But sometime we do not realize how great and important they are to us until we grew up and settled down and have a family of our own. But whatever we shall do for them we cannot compensate them for what they have done for us. It was narrated that during the time of the leader of the believers Omar ibn Al-Khattab (r.a.), that he (Omar ibn Al-Khattab (r.a.)) met a man carrying his old mother on his back every time she needed something the way she was carrying him when he was small. He told Omar (r.a.) that perhaps he had compensated his mother for what she has to him when he was small. Omar (r.a.) said to him, 'You never can. He said, ‘Am I not carrying her on my back and holding myself for her?’ Omar said, 'Yes but she was carrying you when you were small and wishing you live long while you are carrying her and wishing she will not live long anymore (so that you can rest from her).'"
Sometimes, we only recognize our parents’ favors and realize how important they are when it is too late because they have gone already. Nevertheless, the Prophet (s.a.w.) taught us how to thank them even after their death:
Narrated by Malik ibn Rabiah As-Saedi (r.a.) who said, ‘While we were sitting with the Prophet (s.a.w.) a man from the Ansar came and said: 'O Messenger of Allah! Is there any kindness left that I can do to my parents after their death? He (s.a.w.) said: Yes, four attributes; you can invoke blessing on them, asking forgiveness for them, fulfilling their promises and undertakings, respecting their friends, and join ties of relationship which are dependent on them. These are the remaining duty of yours toward them after their death." [Imam Ahmad, Abu-Dawood, and Ibn Majah]
The Prophet (s.a.w.) taught us also to be grateful to anyone who did a favor to us when he said:
"If someone did favor on you recompense him. And if you find nothing to recompense him then pray for him until he sees you recompensing him." [Abu-Dawood and At-Thirmidhi narrated by Ibn Omar and it is Sahih].
Indeed, is there any other who did a great favor to us better than our parents?
We should remember always that we are very lucky if both our parents or one of them are still alive while we are still in good health because we can serve them and attain their pleasure. That is the minimum we can offer them for being without them perhaps we do not exist. Besides that, the more we please them the more they pray for us; and the more they pray for us the more we attain our main goals and objectives in life. It was related that when the mother of Abu-Hurairah (r.a.) died he cried and when he was asked he replied, I loss my gate to my Jannah (paradise). This should be our stand towards them. But if they are gone the least but with great reward we can offer them is our Du'as (prayers). We should pray for them always, asking Allah to forgive them and grant them mercy.
“My Rabb, forgive me and my parents and whoever enters my house a believer and the believing men and women.”
“My Rabb, bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small.”
 (a.s.) Alaihis salam (may Allah grant him peace).
 (s.a.w.) Sallallaho alaihi wasalam (May peace and blessing of Allah be upon him).
 Sahih Al-Bukhari. I recommend to read it.
 Expression of disapproval, discontentment or irritation.
 (r.a.) Ridhiya Allah anho
 Milking and drinking milk is the familiar foods and drinks of the Arab people before.
 Kitab fa fihi fajahid
 Oqoq is the opposite of Al-Birr which means undutiful to parent or not recognizing them or not thanking them for what they have done etc. In a Hadith Sahih the Prophet (s.a.w.) said: (Al-Birr good moral characters or righteousness).
 See the footnote 2.
 Kitab fa fihima fajahid.
 See previous explanation.
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